Giggles and Jokes

You are on the bus when you suddenly realize ... you need to fart.


The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat. After



a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop.



As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down, and



that's when you remember: you've been listening to your ipod.

Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the street when he sees a building on fire. A lady is standing on a third story ledge holding her cat in her arms.

"Hey, lady", yells Larry, "Throw me the cat!"

"No," she cries, "It's too far!"

"I play football. I can catch him!"

The smoke is pouring from the windows. The woman kisses her cat goodbye and tosses it down to the street.

Larry keeps his eye on the cat as it comes hurtling down toward him. The feline bounces off an awning and he runs into the street to catch it. He jumps six feet into the air and makes a spectacular one-handed catch. The crowd that has gathered to watch the fire breaks into cheers.

Larry does a little dance, lifts the cat above his head, wiggles his knees back and forth, then spikes the cat into the pavement...Larry ran home before anyone could see the total screw up.

Grammy wants a kissy kissy!

Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime -- Little Johnny always takes the nickel.

One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor man takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Don't you know that a dime is worth more than a nickel, even though the nickel's bigger?"

Johnny grins and says, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I've made $20!"

A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?"

Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven."

Mary answers, "He's in my heart."

Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!"

The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.

"Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'

A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed.

"Have you any last requests?" asked the Chaplain.

"Yes," replied the murderer. "Will you hold my hand?"





Some people really don't get this joke......since the person is in a electric chair and when the other guy holds his hand he will get shocked too

Heres another one
<div style="width:180px;height:165px;margin:auto;font-size:9px;font-family:tahoma, san-serif;text-align:center;"><embed src="http://www.jokebanana.com/images/plugins/fart_button_plugin.swf" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" height="150" width="180"></embed> <a href="http://www.jokebanana.com/?aff_id=fb" target="_blank" style="color:#090;margin:auto;"><b>get your own here</b></a></div>

ok im gonna make 3 more
ok so this teacher was teaching her kindergarten class and said "whats the longest word you can think of that starts with"s"?" and the kid next to charles said "say strawberry" so he said "strawberry" and the teacher said "what?" and charles said "I said strawberry?" and the teacher said "thats it your going to the principal's office" so the principal says "why are you here sweetie?" and charles said "I said strawberry" and the principal says "what strawberry thats it your going home" so when he gets home his mom says "why are you home?"and he says "I said strawberry" so charles mom said "WHAT THATS IT GO TO YOUR ROOM YOUR GROUNDED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" then the dad comes home and says "why are u grounded?" and he said "I said strawberry" and the dad says "what strawberry you cant live in this house anymore" and he throws him out of the window so then this old lady comes by and says "why are you out on the street?" and he says "I said strawberry" so the grandma says "thats it you cant live on this side of the street anymore" so she kicks him to the other side of the street and he gets run over by a car
THAT JUST TEACHES YOU KIDS LOOK BOTH WAYS BEFORE CROSSING THE STREET

A biology teacher wished to demonstrate to his students the harmful effects of alcohol on living organisms. For his experiment, he showed them a beaker with pond water in which there was a thriving civilization of worms. When he added some alcohol into the beaker the worms doubled-up and died.
"Now," he said, "what do you learn from this?"
An eager student gave his answer.

"Well the answer is obvious," he said "if you drink alcohol, you'll never have worms in your body as a parasite!

this 5th grade boy didnt know the alphabet. so the techer said your homework is to figure out the alphabet so he goes to his sister on the phone and says sissy what is the first letter of the alphabet and she says shut up so then he goes to his kindergarten {he just learned the alphabet today! but unfortunatly he wasnt paying attention} so the 5th grader says whats teh 2nd letter of the alphabet and he says super man and then he goes to his brother hes taking out the trash and he asks him what the third leter of the alphabet was and he says nothing but trash noting but trash then he goes to his dad whos watching a bears game and asks him what the fourth letter of the alphabet was and he says 24! then he goes o his mom who is cooking and says mom whats the 5th letter of the alphabet and she says my bunyans are burning my bunyans are burning. so then hegoes to school and the teacher says whats the first letter of the alphabet and he says shut up so then she says who do you think you are and he says superman then the teacher says what do you take this school for nothing buut trash nothign but trash and she says thats it your going to the principals offifce and she says how many paddles would you like {those are like spankings} and he says 24! sothen after all those paddles and OWS! he finnaly says my bunyans are burnng my bunyans are burning!

Wait....Uh...I dunno

yo mamma is soooooooo poor I saw her kicking a tin can down the street I asked her what she was doing and she said moving